I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
