Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
