I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
ok first of all what the fuck
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
