just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
