You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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