Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
