My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
