I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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