i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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