The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
