her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
