i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i will never coherently bang her
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
