is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
