On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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