i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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