I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
