Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
