She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
