i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
