idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
