her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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