she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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