There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
