so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
