you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
