god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's the barista slut.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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