you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
