Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
