Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
