I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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