you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
