either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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