Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
