so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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