R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
