peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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