it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
