When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
