All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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