apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
