feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you have to choose: penises or morals?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
