I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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