I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
