after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
