we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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