How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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