I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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