If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
