Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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