Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
