Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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