hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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