I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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