chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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