I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
