So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
