we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
