Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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