I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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