Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
