Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
