allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
