Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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