so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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