Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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