why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
