you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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