Someone shit on the floor
you would pick up someone in the library
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Randomize
