Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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