only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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