He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
