At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
